I have this lawyer named Dad. When he’s not helping me solve important problems, he helps humans get divorced. It’s called “Family Law” or something like that. And yes, statistically speaking, weddings are good for the family biz. But don’t get me wrong, he’s not jaded on the whole concept of marriage—he married my mom. All I’m [...]
So I don’t tell everybully this, but I speak a bit of Chinese. Mandarin to be exact. Basically it all happened before I knew it happened. I was young and impressionable and my mother, a former resident of Shanghai, decided it would be “cute” if I learned survival Chinese “just in case.” Yes, my accent [...]
Clockwise from Left: Wazzy, Maximus, Cobalt, Pork Chop. Last Saturday my mom took me out to Chateau Marmont for a late afternoon bite. With a star-studded line up that never disappoints, it’s by far my favorite place to people watch in Los Angeles and there are always a few celebrity dogs to sniff [...]
Trust me when I say I was desperate. Two weeks had gone by and I was really adjusting well to life without my mom and without a job. My dad and I were having left overs for breakfast, pizza for lunch and steaks for dinner while my mom turned vegan at some hippie yoga retreat [...]
As most of you know, my mom decided to give up sugar cold turkey and it’s been a rough week. Cold turkey, I learned, has nothing to do with actual turkey. All I can think about is cherry pie—sweet cherry pie with ice cream and fresh homemade whip. Everything happened so fast. Maybe with a [...]
I’m an only child. That said, I have tons of cousins and most of my Junes involve family reunions. It gets complicated, but my grandfather’s side has a place on Madeline Island in northern Wisconsin. I know—not exactly bulldog central—but for whatever it lacks in tropical style, it makes up for by not being…Phoenix. My [...]
My boss has been on me about taking “business casual” a little too far. When I go into the office naked he says it’s both inappropriate and distracting. I always remind him that it’s nearly impossible for me to buy anything other than made-to-measure so unless he starts giving me a better salary, he’s stuck [...]
The only thing worse than the dermatologist is the dentist. Trust me. I speak from experience. Last week, while I was being told my paws are allergic to grass, my phone started ringing. Happy not to listen to anymore of that nonsense about grass, I answered without realizing it was my boss. I politely excused [...]
There I was, standing face to face with an elliptical machine. I’d just pulled my red sweatband over my ears when my phone started buzzing. Way I see it, that elliptical machine got lucky—it was my boss calling from out of state. He sounded uncomfortable on the other end of the line. He paused and umm-ed his way through the call and I began to get curious. I decided to walk it off on the treadmill as he hashed out what the woof was going on. Bottom line: I had to fly to Seattle to meet an up-and-coming celeb. Okay, I thought, no big deal. I upped my speed to a faster-slow walk. But then he said: “There’s something you should know: You need to come on a secure leash and you need to bring your mother…unless she’s allergic to cats?”
I fired Jose the gardener last Friday. It wasn’t an easy call. Ultimately, letting him go means more work for me and my company: Bogie Green Paws. But after three years of constant miscommunication and some unfortunate boundary issues regarding my garden hoses, it was time. So when mom told me he was retiring and [...]