#respectthecleft

As most of you know, my mom decided to give up sugar cold turkey and it’s been a rough week. Cold turkey, I learned, has nothing to do with actual turkey. All I can think about is cherry pie—sweet cherry pie with ice cream and fresh homemade whip. Everything happened so fast. Maybe with a little warning I could have prepared myself for the pro-biotic kale smoothies. On second thought, probably not. Anyway, it’s all her fault.

Last Friday, she tried to pass off some vegan abomination as “pork chops a la mode” for my lunch. No amount of fancy language could change the fact that it contained neither pork nor ice cream. That’s when I did the unthinkable: I called my boss. I can’t remember the last time I called him, but if work meant getting out of the madhouse I was all for it. Keep in mind, I’d done some homework. There was a pie-eating contest in Washington state—Cal Anderson Park to be exact—that I’d been following pretty closely. I figured if I could land an interview in the area before the contest (and head there after) I’d have hit the jackpot.

My boss sounded skeptical on the other end of the line. He said Norma the Newfoundland, one of The Droolitzer’s finest investigative reporters, had called in claiming that she was hopelessly allergic to Miami, Fl and would need a replacement sent out straightaway. There was no way. I pointed out that, while she might be built for Antarctica, I don’t exactly thrive in hot and humid conditions either. “Isn’t there anything,” I asked casually, “in the Pacific northwest?”

He went silent. While I heard him typing away at his desk, my mother was shrilly crying out for me to come finish my lunch. I had about thirty seconds of sanity remaining. For the first time ever, I repeated my request but added a “please” at the end of it. My boss mumbled something about a young pup—maybe too young to be interviewed—he wasn’t sure. I assured him that he couldn’t be any younger than Tommy and didn’t give him time to say no. “Consider it written,” I said. Then I hung up. I texted his secretary, Betty the Basset, to get me all the details on this kid, on the double. Then I trotted upstairs to stuff my duffle with the bare necessities: my notepad, napkins, Rolaids, a baseball hat, two freshly sharpened pencils and Tums (for back up).

I waved to my mom as I ran past her and told her she could have the rest of my lunch—reminding her it was totally sugar free. Minutes later I was in my Uber on the 405 en route to LAX. The flight was short and I couldn’t let myself doze off, so I kept asking the sweet flight attendant for more packs of peanuts as I researched the little guy I was about to meet. This was going to be a great weekend.

When I landed I headed straight for Point Defiance Park in the happening city of Tacoma, a bit south of Seattle. Apparently this was THE dog park in town and I was happy to get a chance to stretch my legs after the flight. As my cab rolled up to the big patch of grass I looked down at my watch: 1:25 p.m. I was right on time. I pulled my hat over my ears and looked around for the cutest little bulldog I’d ever seen. Ah ha! @georgietheclefty was giving a Labrador a run for his ball. I could tell right away that I liked the guy.

Bogie: Georgie, I think I speak for everybully when we say you’re a bit of a mystery. You swept in and stole the hearts of many, but I don’t even know where you’re from or if you’re even legal (see: six months old). Are you?

Georgie: Well Boges, I am from the beautiful city of Olympia, WA. I turn 8 months next week so in human years I guess I’m not legal in age. But everything else about me is 100% true and official!

Bogie: Where are you from originally? Big family?

Georgie: Well I was born at South Bay Veterinary in Olympia, WA on a cold November day via c-section. I was 1 of 8 (my poor mom was as round as a bowling ball), but I was the only one with a cleft. #respectthecleft

Unfortunately, I don’t remember much of my family. My “breeder” didn’t want me because of my cleft so I was separated from my siblings immediately. Fortunately, my mom was working that day at the hospital and said she would give me a chance!

Bogie: Woah, Buddy! How could anyone leave behind a mug as cute as yours?! Some people…Well it was your mom’s lucky day I guess, but hang on, did you say your mom was “working at the vet”? That place is my worst nightmare. How do you deal? And tell me you get to stay home weekdays from 9-5pm.

Georgie: Man Boges, it is horrible! She always wants to mess with me. But it’s also pretty sweet because I’m always taken care of ASAP. We don’t have to wait for an appointment like other dogs, I just get fixed right up (talk about customer service)! As everybully knows this is a good thing—we tend to have to visit vets A LOT. I used to go to work every day for the longest time, but now I sleep at home until my dad gets back. That isn’t too bad because he gets home way earlier than mom.

Bogie: I can see why people think we’re brothers from another mother. You’re as handsome as you are cute! Your nose is a bit different than other bullies around. What’s the deal?

Georgie: I have always thought we could be related, you are one handsome fella yourself. Well my name isn’t “Georgie the Clefty” for nothing! I technically have a cleft palate and cleft lip (hair lip). My top jaw is actually in two pieces, split right down the middle from my nose. It’s sweet looking, let me tell you.

Fun fact, I was actually born with only one nostril! My very first surgery gave me the second nostril on my cleft side. After I realized what breathing actually feels like, it was seriously a whole new world!

Bogie: Wow buddy, you’re incredible!! Does your cleft cause you and discomfort?

Georgie: Not unless I have something stuck. Then I get these horrible sneeze attacks full of “green snot boogies” and I have to get it all flushed out. Gross! When that doesn’t work, sometimes I get aspirate pneumonia which is really the only thing that slows me down. But that’s only happened a couple times. I’ve learned if I hold still to get the stuff out I feel better faster and the sooner I get more cookies!

Bogie: Dude! You’re already a professional at #humantraining101 and you’re not even old enough to read. We might have a legend in the making. I hate to use the “S” word, but rumor has it you’re headed into surgery to help correct your cleft palate once and (hopefully) for all. Are you nervous?

Georgie: I’m super stoked! Mom on the other hand, a nervous wreck! She’s read some scary stuff on the Internet – exactly what she tells all her clients not to do – and is all worried I’m going to die or something. So I’ve tried to be as naughty as possible the past week to take her mind off it. (My big brother read me your Human Training Guide Book)

Bogie: Is your mom a ginger? I sure hope not. Gingers are the WORST at worrying. Tell me more about this procedure, is it common for bulldogs or other “smushed face” breeds?

Georgie: Clefts are the most common in “bully breeds” and “smushed face breeds” but it can happen to any dog. The bummer is they really don’t know what exactly causes it, but we know genetics play a roll in it somehow. Moral of the story is I probably shouldn’t have any puppies because they would more than likely have clefts like me.

Bogie: You’ll probably get milkshakes for days after the surgery. It’s the little perks, ya know? Has your mom told you how long you’ll have to wait after surgery to play with your buddies?

Georgie: It’s a two to three week recovery (theoretically) until I can eat solid food and play like my normal crazy self. Until then I have to be on a liquid only diet and must be very careful so I don’t destroy my sutures. That would make my surgeon mad. Vanilla shake please, with extra ice cream and whip!

Bogie: It seems as though despite all these challenges you still get around town to socialize. Do you have a favorite hobby? What do you do in your spare time?

Georgie: I love going places with my mom and dad! My favorite thing is to go play with my friends at the park, but I also love hikes with my sister, Paisley, and going to the beach. I’d say the best part of the day is snoogling up with my mom and my toys. After all this excitement I love nothing more than suckling on my favorite centipede stuffie until I fall asleep next to mom.

Bogie: Your life sounds dreamy Georgie! Post-Op what do you think you’ll enjoy most about having your cleft palette all fixed up?

Georgie: Eating smushy things without having to sneeze it out later or mom having to flush it out! But I think I’m going to miss my funny smile a bit too.

Bogie: Your smile makes men and women alike swoon, but I bet it will still be awesome after the procedure. Say, I know you’ve got some dog parks to hit before dinner, but do you have time for a quick lightening round?

Georgie: Oh yeah, bring it on Boges!