Securing an interview with one of Instagram’s most popular bulldogs isn’t easy. I’m no slouch and it still took months for me to get on the list. As last Friday drew closer, I called my contact to find out where the meeting should take place. I had a few different locations in mind””a classy restaurant, the beach or maybe a park””but I never imagined I’d be meeting Big Chunky Monkey behind bars. Much to my surprise the superstar was serving time at a high profile K9 correctional facility in Santa Rosa, California. I made a note in my notebook: ask Monkey about incarceration.
When the day arrived, I showed up (on time) at the front gate of the Incredible Canine Training Center. I had my notebook, a pocket stuffed full of Chunky’s fan mail, a garden hose and bacon bits in case my man was bored or hungry. The place was authorized personnel only. The guard at the front asked me for a password to make sure I was on the level. Thankfully I’d been briefed. “Jeggings,” I said without skipping a beat. The gates opened. I was put on a leash and escorted to a plush spread where our beloved @bigchunkymonkey had been staying for the last three weeks. The guy made serving time look like a walk around the block.
Like any reporter, under the circumstances, I was greeted with some skepticism. But after I passed along the treats and half eaten garden hose we were instantly cool. I didn’t want to waste any time so I got right down to asking my questions and let him do the talking”¦
Bogie: Can we talk about your name man? You have a few of them and there seems to be some confusion as to what you go by. Monkey or Chunky or”¦?
BCM: It’s true, I’m a man of many identities. Basically I say call me what you like”¦.just make sure it has a Chunky, Monkey or Big in it.
Bogie: Cool man, I love it. So now that we have that out of the way, can we talk about how you ended up in the joint? I mean, was it as if you were chillin’ with your sister one day and then WHAM, in the slammer the next? What gives?
BCM: Wow Bogie! That’s a pretty hardball question right out of the gate, I mean, it’s kind of personal you know? But I suppose people want to know and I really appreciate the bacon bits. It all happened so fast but here’s the low down. One day I’m hangin’ with my mom, doing our normal photo shoot, eating my gluten free cookies and giving my daily love kisses”¦but now that I look back on it things were a little different because my mom kept crying. I thought it was because, you know, I wasn’t sharing my cookies with her. But then all of the sudden, next thing I know I’m riding in the back of a swat car on my way to “The Farm.” Now, I’m no angel but, who doesn’t hug hard? Why did I get locked up for what everyone knows to be a common bulldog trait? But I get it. Truth is I needed some time to detox off of all the parties and learn how to deal with little kids and stuff. It was shocking at first but after the first day I had the joint wrapped around my paw! No big deal.
Bogie: I see, I see. It’s all for the best buddy, I get it. But has it put any stress on your relationship with your fiancÃ© @daisy_gordita? I mean, your future in-laws must be freaking out!
BCM: Stress on my relationship? Ha. No way Boges! I actually think it’s spiced things up. Daisy likes a monkey with a twist of bad boy! I have to say her parents weren’t thrilled but I think I’ve reassured them”¦they know I’m coming out for the better.
Bogie: Solid man. My readers would freak out if I didn’t ask: Is it too soon to inquire about wedding plans? You guys have been going out for a little over a year now, right? How’d you meet? Was it love at first sight? Does that even exist?
BCM: I don’t usually like to talk about this personal stuff! But I’ll say that we are really enjoying our engagement right now. Daisy has made me the happiest monkey in the world! The moment I saw her on fire at The 2014 Woofin Academy Awards my heart was stolen and I never wanted it back! She’s my love for eternity. Wedding talks are on the way but privately””like Kayne and Kimmy.
Bogie: Congratulations man. As everybody knows you made Bone Rivers’ worst-dressed list at the 2014 awards. Ha! The irony is hilarious. You’re known for your style around the world. Few dogs (or humans for that matter) can pull of jeggings with the same gusto you can. How do you do it?
BCM: Oh. My. Dog. Bone! She seriously loves me””like is maybe even a little obsessed. They say that the ones that can’t stop talking about you are the ones that secretly adore you! Now let’s talk about my jeggings collection. I currently have about 10 pairs and, no joke, love each one like it was my first! I have to say you must be 100 % secure in your manhood because they are, you know, girl pants. But I say anything goes in the world of fashion. Wouldn’t Bone Rivers agree?
Bogie: Speaking of fashion, who is your stylist? How’d you find her?
BCM: Don’t laugh. My mom for now but when I make it big she’s definitely losing her position. She’s super cheap. Like free. But she keeps buying me tees that are way too tight, causing my neck pillow to be exposed. Not acceptable!!!
Bogie: Yeah, with the amount of scrutiny you’re under by followers and paparazzi, being well dressed is a must. You’ve been quoted as the biggest socialite on Instagram, how do you respond to that? And would you agree?
BCM: Socialite!? No way! I’m just a monkey who loves supporting his fellow friends.
Bogie: I mean it’s like you host a different party every day, sometimes a few within the same. And it’s not as if you’re only working Mon-Fri. When and how do you get some rest?
BCM: What can I say I’m a monkey that can multitask! Eating, pooping , hanging and #pulllingachunky just goes paw and paw! Thing is, I really do need to make sure I pull at least four or five chunkys a day or else I get a little grumpy. Some call me the Chunkmyster when that happens, and hey, how do you think I ended up in the can in the first place? Lack of sleep. Now during this “down time” I do give my mom permission to handle my Instagram page but with very tight restrictions.
Bogie: Well dude, I feel like we’ve covered it all. Needless to say this has been an incredibly eye-opening session. Is there anything else you’d like to share with the world? Or shall the rest continue to remain a mystery?
BCM: I think I’ll keep the rest of me a mystery. I’m pretty sure one day I’ll be back behind bars getting another visit from you and we can pick this up then.