In other news puppies: Adorable lacks function. And it’s no substitute for a career in public service. Of course, these days life’s all about happy-fun-time and whatever synthetic bobble these enablers nabbed from the dollar bin at Petco. Awww, tummy ache wittle fella? That’s what happens when you chew on Chinese plastic. Don’t get me started. Whatever happened to discipline? Vern used to say that if he could just harness the “superfluous expenditure of joules wasted on chew toys annually, he could solve the planet’s energy crisis and still have enough left over to experiment.” Don’t get me started. Since when did life turn into this casual snooze fest? Unbelievable. This morning I woke up at 4:45 (per usual) and conducted a thorough security check of the perimeter. (Not a lot to report there, but thank God I looked into it.) Get this puppies: injustice doesn’t take naps. And what’s with all these pictures? Since when was a dog’s contribution to society based on his photo-genetics? You want a picture? Picture this: All hell breaking loose while you’re wearing some scarf and mittens manufactured in…you guessed it: China. Good luck if that happens. Before all this commercial nonsense, being a dog meant something and some of us still get that. Where was I? So when Sparky met Sally…
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