A new family moved in down the street so Sparky and I went to check things out. It was early but the vetting process never sleeps. The new people were unloading their Subaru when we got there. I sat at the foot of their driveway and waited for them to acknowledge my presence. Newsflash puppies: It’s called patience. Try it sometime. Stop wagging your whole bodies every time something new happens. Don’t get me started. Sparky forgot that I told him not to and started peeing on different spots of the lawn. That’s when two Weimaraners—one male, one female, both juveniles—climbed out of the Subaru’s backseat. The guy walked over to Sparky and said, “Yo, I’m Brax, this is my sister Gwen. We think it was really cool what you did back there.” “Peeing on the grass?” asked Sparky. “Thanks! I do it all the time.” “Yeah, it’s like why behave a certain way just because pup culture expects you to, you know?” said Brax. Then the one named Gwen said, “Everything is like so unoriginal, am I right?” I had no idea what they were talking about but could tell all the words were confusing Sparky. I approached to make my formal introduction. “Greetings,” I said, “my name is Mortimer Baxter. This is my pal Sparky. On behalf of the Baxter family, welcome to Lake View Terrace.” The one named Brax sat down casually and said, “Cool vintage collar man, where’d you buy it?”