For years I have worked hard to insure that my humans enjoy life. By and large, they’ve responded well to my efforts. Despite the occasional slip up, my humans are a loyal and loving source of help and comfort. There I said it. But it’s precisely because these guys are so trainable that they’ve been allowed to achieve so much”¦.curing polio, the design and construction of the Frisbee and, naturally, the Orvis Dog Catalogue.
But among human achievements, flight should be at the top of the list. Is it not remarkable how quickly and safely we can now fly across the globe? All we have to do is sit in the aisle, look cute and wait for the inevitable pat. In a few hours we are in Lisbon, Hawaii or Hanoi. Presto! But I think something is missing.
Indeed, I think there is a need for a significant leap forward. The aisle is not enough.
For years, we have largely left humans to run about on their own. When it comes to airplanes, they have messed about fetching designs, building planes and administering airlines. It’s adorable. But, we have dropped the ball, so to speak. We have neglected to coach them to build airplanes suitable for our needs. Yes, whisking through the air at 30,000 feet is an endearing quality of human designed airplanes. We should continue to encourage them. But we must be more firm in making clear our needs. We can’t let them just tear about running amok among terminals, TSA agents and noisy airport lounges.
Here are some thoughts. If they make sense to you, please gently encourage your humans to do the work they are really bred to do:
1) Flight attendants who can clearly communicate. I suggest poodles.
2) Round seats, on the floor, near spill proof water containers.
3) Beefing up security with actual dogs”¦not just air marshals. I suggest German Shepherds.
4) Conveniently spaced fire hydrants. Right on the aisles.
5) No security check points. They are stupid and redundant. We’re dogs for Pete’s sake.
All of the above is said with the obvious caution that we avoid sending too many messages that can overwhelm our humans’ capacity to stay focused, calm and obedient. Just quietly let them know what you need and give them the space to respond.
Madeline Island, Wisconsin