Let me be clear, all restaurants are fantastic places with lots of food in them. It’s just that some are better than others.

It was my aunt’s birthday last Saturday so me and the fam decided to try a new place for the big celebration. A few friends had recommended Smoke.Oil.Salt””a little spot on Melrose Avenue in the thick of Hollywood’s trashier tourist district. YES! I thought to myself. Trashy parts of town always have the best smells and all sorts of sidewalk scraps to investigate. The restaurant wasn’t too hard to find because it was right under a neon sign that said, “TATTOO PIERCING.” I’ve always wanted a tattoo”¦but figured it could wait until after dinner.

My people had called to make a reservation a week in advance but, much to their dismay, the joint was fully booked. Since we hadn’t been there before, we didn’t want to risk walking in cold without a rese”¦so we asked really nicely. The hostess, Devon, said she could squeeze us in as long as we promised to be out by 8:30. That was perfect. My pre-bedtime nap wouldn’t need to be rescheduled after all. We arrived at 6:30 with a celebratory bottle of 1989 Château La Tour.

When we sat down our waiter was…well”¦waiting. I might be going out on a limb here, as I’m sure some readers won’t identify with this particular sales experience, but have you ever been to Lululemon? It’s that yoga clothing retail shop that’ been popping up all over the world with impressive speed. Anyway, if you haven’t ever ventured in, I don’t suggest you start now BUT those who have might “get me” when I point out that our waiter (and I mean this is the nicest way possible) would make an excellent Lululemon salesman.

I arrived early (with my mom and dad) and within thirty seconds he was telling us how amazing the food was””that everything was the best ever. Tons of superlatives, in rapid-fire succession, were tossed our way until he ended his
three-minute “intro” with, “the week I trained here was the best week of my life.” Dude, really? Come on. What about Christmas when you still believed in Santa Claus? Or the time you learned how to ride a bike? Or when you went on that cool trip to that awesome place? But who am I to judge? Fact is, if I could get a job at a restaurant, training probably would be the best week of my life”¦but I’m a dog.

Another friend arrived next and guess what? He got the exact same “intro.” Gotta hand it to our server, his enthusiasm was almost contagious. My aunt and uncle arrived last and yup, you guessed it, #thirdtimesthecharm.

So, after being informed (thoroughly) that we could do no wrong””that all dishes had extreme deliciousness in common””we decided to see for ourselves and ordered a wide array. We had olives and anchovies to start. DELISH. So was the hand-carved, high-grade iberico ham which, sliced paper thin, melts instantly in your mouth. The smoky octopus was a favorite with the group, but then so were the grilled carrots and the peas with chorizo. The Spanish influence was noticeable in each and, though they came out of the kitchen at a pace not unlike a fast-food joint, the presentation was on par with the taste.

Our final dish was a wood-fire grilled butcher’s filet: iberico pork with smoked green onions and xato sauce. At this point, our energetic server informed the table that the entree had spent its formative years getting hand fed a special diet while listening to classical music. Apparently, the pig had also been massaged daily up until it was time for him to become dinner, at which point he was dispatched in a most humane fashion. Excluding the obvious, the whole process sounded very kosher. The price point for such luxury was quite reasonable and, because (by mistake) I ate the entire dish in one bite before everyone was able to share, we ordered another. My apology wasn’t all that sincere. #sorrynotsorry

Our happy-go-lucky server even sent out [a few desserts] on the house! Gotta say, even if his personality would be  better suited at a Chris Rock themed open mic comedy night and/or patrolling a Lululemon store, I’m glad he was our guy.  Thanks Dude, the treats were top notch! My personal favorite was the one with strawberries and cream.  No  chocolate for me, thanks!  Since we were all in a festive mood, we ordered two more desserts from the menu but neither was as exciting. The doughnut balls had a weird peppery spice to them that didn’t quite agree with my palate and the same could be said for the Valrhona chocolate rice pudding with salted caramel and cinnamon whipped cream.

All around it was a fun evening with great company. Would I go there again? For that pork dish, I just might. Now about that tattoo…

Stay hungry my friends”¦