I am concerned about all of this “dressing up” our bulldog parents get us into this time of year—I don’t mind when it is closer to Christmas, but seriously, it’s happening already happening here in Australia and the big day is still almost a month away (and we don’t even have Thanksgiving here)!
What the Woof?
It’s taken me nearly one month to reply and you want to know why? Well because I’ve spent the last three weeks in #uglychristmassweaters posing for a holiday card photo op. It’s mortifying to say the least. And now, with the Christmas only ten sleeps away, the ginger is getting out of control. I just saw her order me a reindeer headpiece online. Will I wear it? Dear Dog NO.
Jethro, it’s time we put our paws down and level the playing field. Tell your mom you’d be delighted to don that Santa outfit just as soon as she gets one for herself. You see buddy, this isn’t a one way street. If they want to see us look ridiculous and (dare I even write it) “cute,” then they’d better be prepared to dress up themselves.
So if you’re wondering what to get mumsie for Christmas, allow me to suggest this?
Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter?
That question is deep. Really deep. So deep I’m not sure I can really answer it with anything less than the dissertation it deserves—in-depth historical analysis, double blind taste tests, copious footnotes etc. But because we’re all incredibly busy at the moment, I’ll answer your question with a similarly profound head-scratcher: NY porterhouse or Chicago sirloin? While we’re at it, what are the origins of consciousness?
Keep asking the hard questions bro,
What is up with my owner wanting to play fetch? I often retrieve the ball the first time, but only if I see that she has a treat ready. If there is no treat, I usually run off, pretend to look and then run back quizzically. Do you think that I’m being unethical?
Jasper T. Dog
Jasper the Friendly Fetcher,
Indeed, the ethics of fetch are a slippery slope. Personally I’ve never understood the idea behind this “game.” Call me crazy, but if your person tosses a ball far away from them they probably don’t want it anymore. Right? So I’d forget about the inedible sphere and inquire about the treats directly. End the charade. Quite frankly there should be zero correlation between you receiving treats and her throwing stuff. You/I/We deserve treats all the time regardless of our people’s reckless disregard for round objects.
You hear me Big J?