(Note to reader: Just prior to launching, thedroolitzer.com was able to obtain the following correspondence between Max from Chicago and his legal representation, Spot. Here’s what we know. Stay tuned for further developments.)
Spot XXVI, Esq: My client, Max from Chicago, is adorable. He’s also well aware of it. Max comes from a long line of intelligent Chow(s) Chows who, while racking up a slew of civic achievements in the greater metropolitan area, remain socially inhibited by their genetic adorableness. Enough is enough. Being adorable and getting-the-job-done are not mutually exclusive. My client’s message is simple and courageous: Stop saying the same word twice in a row just because it makes stuff sound cute. Cue the revolution. Meet Max from Chicago:
Look, I try to keep to my own business wherever possible and I’m not suggesting that this linguistic breakthrough is on par with the Rosetta Stone or anything””it just seems to me that when humans tack on (completely unnecessarily) a repeat of the same word (back to back) it’s a misguided mistake. Frankly put, it translates into a nauseating attempt at cuteness. Enough with the demeaning second “Chow”. Please just stop.
[Omitted for space: Max from Chicago cites “poo poo”, “pee pee”, “doo doo” and “wee wee” to substantiate the crux of his grievance]
It has become apparent to me that, not withstanding my Vadar-esque black tongue, I am never going to escape the shackles of this perceived cuddliness. As an individual””one Chow among many Chows””I might be able to shoulder this burden. But as long as the “higher primates” refuse to heed my plaintiff’s call to PLEASE (we’re asking nicely) drop the extraneous “Chow” from “Chow Chow”, I consider my entire breed a victim of human verbosity. Think about it. It’s not as if calling us a “Chow” would confuse anybody. Let me assure you, I and everybody else (with the possible exception of cats, who have trouble grasping even the most basic concepts) will know who and what you’re talking about.
Please understand, I’m not the type of dog that pursues legal channels for no reason. I’m doing this for everybody, including you. Come Monday morning, March 2, 2015, I will be appearing at the Cook County Circuit Courthouse in order to file (on behalf of all Chows wherever they might be situated) a formal name change application”” “Chow Chow” to “Chow”. I’ll accept no more, no less”¦and I’ll look good doing it.
Thank you for supporting reason,
MAX from Chicago