Let me be clear, all restaurants are fantastic places with lots of food in them. It’s just that some are better than others.

Chateau Marmont has a history. It’s old Hollywood. I say that not as an archeologist, but as a bulldog who sometimes gets retrospective when he’s hungry. Truth be told, the spot is kind of perfect. There’s a courtyard restaurant and beautiful bar”¦I think maybe the A-listers change but the vibe doesn’t. It’s a hideout. Perched on the top of Sunset Boulevard in the heart of Hollywood, Chateau is the crème de la crème of “cool.”

When cars pull up there’s a “greeter” at the driveway. His job is to say “adios” if tourists and riffraff don’t have a reservation. It’s the kind of place where even if they’re expecting you, they might stop expecting you”¦depending on you. Personally, I’ve never reserved a meal in my life and I’m not about to start.

Last Sunday we drove up and (like usual) I stuck my head out to greet “the people””¦there were lots of dudes holding clipboards and paparazzi-types scouting out the celebs. Then some tall dude said, “It’s Bogie, let them in” and up the cobblestone drive we went. (That guy is on my Christmas list)

The hotel was modeled after a royal residence in France’s Loire Valley. Its sweeping courtyard is where you’ll find anyone who’s anyone hanging out. It’s romantic and charming and (especially at night) it’s easy to forget you’re not in the middle of a Parisian dream. I hear Paris is amazing except for the poodles.

I cruised up to the host stand where they have everyone’s information. They know exactly how many times you’ve dined with them and if you’re VIP enough to score a sofa or a big round table. I prefer the round table all the way in the back””that way I can survey the landscape and be on pooch patrol. So that’s where we went.

Right when I laid down I got a silver bowl of water delivered. I didn’t even have to ask! And while that was pretty much the best part of the service, the food is never bad”¦but it’s nothing groundbreaking either. Fact is, no one goes to the Chateau to seriously eat. The cocktails are fine, according to my people, but nothing too innovative. My dad always gets the burger with American cheese. He says the Chateau is one of the few classy joints around town that still offers American as an option. As long as I get half, I’m not too picky about what kind of cheese they put on top. My mom ordered the assorted crudité to start (basic raw veggies with a super garlicky dipping sauce). She gave me a carrot. I spit it out”¦politely of course.

For her main dish she always gets the cucumber and avocado sandwich, but asks for it on wheat bread so she can order the shoestring truffle Parmesan fries. I think this somehow makes her feel less guilty. After all, it’s healthy-ish and I usually help her with what I can. The radish arugula side salad is not for me, but she thinks it’s great.

Dessert is a must for every meal, even if it’s breakfast or a simple snack. The classic brownie sundae is “where it’s at””¦ says a guy who is allergic to chocolate (that’d be me). We had it with white-mint ice cream, which I might dream about later. The salted caramel semi-freddo with crackerjacks is a new one on the menu. I loved it. Creamy, sweet and salty. Yes please! Why order just one dessert when it’s a table for two and you? For old times sake, I’d like to say that the Eton Mess was, and still is, to date, my favorite option they’ve ever offered. Whipped cream, meringue, fresh strawberries and a raspberry sorbet”¦just give me the whole bowl why dontchya. I’m hopeful it will find it’s way back on the menu when it gets a little warmer outside.

After we finished eating I did my usual rounds with the other pups lounging. Since it’s a dog friendly establishment, there’s no telling just how many of us will show up. I saw Hammy the Pom and Duke the Pit, I heard a Yorkie yelping and I’m pretty sure that that was a Shih Tzu stuffed in a Birkin at my 12 o’clock. He was keeping a low pro. Ahh, Chateau, I really do love you.

Stay hungry my friends”¦