After taking some time off to hang with me this summer, I encouraged my mom to start teaching yoga again. Like most of my selfless acts, it was just the right thing to do. Coincidentally, having your mom lurk around the office every woofin’ day for three months has its drawbacks. Don’t get me wrong—she’s the best—but the little things started grating on my nerves more than a little bit. Not being allowed to spend all day on the forbidden sofa, having my wrinkles wiped three times a day instead of two, getting ordered upstairs whenever José-the-Gardener (if that’s even his real name) dropped by—these things add up. She needed to go back to work.  

When it comes to encouraging rusty people, I find that empty promises work a lot like WD-40. So I assured my mom that I’d join her for morning yoga everyday (rain or shine) if she accepted a job at a new studio in West Los Angeles. It worked! I was over the moon…for both of us. Sure I’d miss cooking dinner with her but while she perfected citizen’s downward facing dog, I’d get to fine tune my snoozin’ skills on the sofa I’m not allowed to be on. Win/win. Things were looking up!

The new studio was scheduled to open on Sunday. In fear of nobody showing up for her first day of class, I invited a bunch of bullys to fill the room—you know, to create a convincing illusion of interest in mind and body wellness and whatnot. Truth is, I was more nervous than she was. This had to work. Somehow though, my boss got wind of the event and thought it would make a good story.  “What’s the headline?” I thought to myself: “Thoughtful Bulldog Helps Woman Land Job.” Now that I’d mentioned it, it wasn’t a bad idea.

On Sunday morning I set my alarm for 5am. I only hit snooze 8 times before texting Meaty, Rupert, Willis and Sumo to make sure they were up—there was no way I could do this alone. I tossed my black doga mat into my yoga duffle with a towel, a copy of the Yoga Mala and a bottle of Voss. I brushed my most visible teeth as I searched for my notepad and a freshly sharpened pencil.  “Dog, I hope some cool dawgs show up for my mom’s class or my name is KIBBLE,” I remember thinking.  But there wasn’t any time to lay down and worry.  I slipped four red sweatbands over my paws and had just enough time to tug another one over my ears before my mom yelled that it was time to go.  

We drove in silence.  It was far too early to chat and I was so woofin’ anxious about the turnout. I embraced the droning sound of mom’s yoga tunes playing softly in the background.  

When we arrived at the studio I looked down at my watch: 6:15am. I had just enough time to put my mat down and schmooze with the new students. The place was packed! Mom would be alright, but I needed an interview. It wasn’t until the group was in headstand that I caught glimpse of the celebrity brother and sister duo stretching out their turkey legs right before my very eyes!  Was it luck or karma that brought them here?  The class droned on, but I didn’t care.  As everyone chanted “OMMMMMmmmmm” I waddled over to @beauandbonnie with my notepad and pencil.  I was ready!

Bogie: Namaste Beau and Beautiful Bonnie, it’s so great to get to get some time off the yoga mat to chat with you two—mind if I drop some Q’s?  Can I just say that your downward facing dogs are so… avant-garde. They prove that anybully can practice yoga! Tell me a little bit about yourselves, you know, for my readers—are you guys twins? Where are you from? Do blondes have more fun?  How old are you?

Beau:  We’re both pumped to be here with you!  And hey, that’s quite a compliment coming from you, Boges. Bon has been following your yoga routines for a while now. I‘m just hoping the Zen part starts to wear off on her…Lord knows she sure needs it.

Bonnie: We are just thrilled to bits to be here with you, Bogie! Twins though? I am usually aghast at that question when we get asked. Don’t these delicate feminine curves tell all?

Beau: Seriously Bon? I came first—a year and a day earlier to be exact.  She totally took my “look” Boges. Minus my spots, I feel like I’m looking in the mirror. But I’m two and half years young and Bon is…

Bon: BEAU! A lady never reveals her age!! And for the record…Bons have more fun!

Bogie: Touché Bon! Beau and Bon would it be safe to say you guys are two peas in a pod? Like, Beau you’re the yin to Bon’s yang? But this can’t always be the case, can it? Any #siblingrivalry?  I’m selfishly asking because my ‘rents are rumored to be talking about sibling for me and I’m like, naw…I’m good, but thanks.

Beau: Two peas in a pod? Try two watermelons in a patch! Anywho, a sibling, eh? That’s great bro. But here are a few words of warning.  Let me take you back to Christmastime two years ago. The only thing on my list was an unlimited supply of squeaky balls. What did I find instead… A SISTER!! And I thought I was on the nice list! That Santa Paws sure has a funny sense of humor. I got something loud and squeaky alright…

Bonnie: Oh Beau, HUSH! I may try and boss you around, invade your personal space, and hoard your toys, but squeaky balls can’t offer love, affection, and a side of sass, like I can. I’d say we make a pretty good team.

Beau: Gosh Bon, enough of the mushy stuff. I like you, OK? You definitely make my life a little less restful and a whole lot more fun.

Bogie: Case settled, I’d like a new Robert for Christmas #pleaseandthankyou!  You’re both socialites with a wardrobe the size of your events calendar.  Do you have a stylist or are you naturally gifted with impeccable fashion taste?

Bonnie: Well Bogie, I like to think I have a natural flair for style. My paw tends to reach for anything sassy, stretchy, flirty, or pink. Everything else just falls into place.

Beau: …AHEM… Bon, tell them the truth. You guard the identity of your stylist with the same passion you use to guard your big red jolly ball and your peanut butter pleasers.

Bogie: Uh oh…that sounds like something you guys can talk about on the way home.  Speaking of style, can we take a waddle down memory lane and talk about your outfits at the Oscars earlier this year?  Trust when I say I voted for you for #bestdressed.  Heads turned when you strutted down the red carpet.  Were you wearing couture?

Bonnie: Oh Bogie! You flatter me so! When I saw that Vera Woof gown hanging in the window of Barkdorf’s, I just knew it was the one. It took a full week of sassy squats and dedication to my juice cleanse to make that dress work.

Beau: Um Bon… I remember it being a week of light leg lifts, strawberry sundaes, and extended naptime where you absolutely could NOT be disturbed.  

Bonnie: Fine, fine. I’ll divulge my secret. The trick is to buy a dress two sizes too big.  It really helps alleviate pre-award show jitters.

Bogie: Oh wow!!  Thanks for the revolutionary beauty tip. I wonder if Angelina Jolie uses that same tactic? Bon you’re well known in the tabloids for beautiful gowns that show A LOT of leg.  Don’t get me wrong, I would too if I had stems like yours!  But I have to ask: what do you do to keep your physique so almost svelte?  Aside from yoga of course.

Bonnie: Funny you should ask! I will be releasing my #SASSYLEGWORKOUTSERIES on VHS in the upcoming months. It’s a compilation of Jazzercise, Barre by Bon, and Stationary Spinning. Plus, my workout style tips are included free of charge!

Beau: Bon, let’s get real. Your exercise consists of lunging after bunnies, jumping jacks at every passerby, and running circles around the vacuum.

Bogie: VHS? OK, so work with me here… your alarm goes off at the ungodly hour of 10am and you think about getting up.  Can you take us through a typical day starting from that annoying beep?

Beau: I like to sleep in as long as possible.  It’s the only time I can be assured that I will have some peace.  When I open my eyes, it’s Bon’s World and who knows what’s in store…

Bon: I’m an early riser.  Up with the sun!  I try to get in a few doga flows first thing, and then I’ll usually curl up with an issue of Dogue while I sip my puppicino. (I need my daily style inspiration!) Since it’s the summer, my day tends to center around how to maximize my #sassyleg tanning time.  Sometimes I’ll squeeze in some light house chores—you know, scaring off the vacuum, barking at any and every object out of place, that sort of thing.  Early evening, Beau & I will usually take our hoomans for a walk on the beach.  Then we’ll wind down with some pumpkin yogurt pupcakes & gently squabble over who gets the best seat on the couch for HGTV.

Beau: Bon, I think you’re glossing over some details. Let me simplify.  Our day revolves around the following: Eat, Sleep, Snackies, Play, Bark, Sleep, Play, Bark, Sleep, Eat, Sleep. SNORE. Repeat.  Oh and Bon, gently squabble? It’s more like fight for the remote until I let you win…. I’ve forgotten what channel Sports Center is even on anymore.

Bogie: I know you have some kale smoothies to order after such an intense yoga class, but might you guys have a minute for a super-quick lightening round?

Beau: Anything for you Boges…This interview is getting me out of Bon’s jazzercise class this afternoon, so please take your time!

Bogie: Paris or New York Fashion Week?

Bonnie: Why Paris of course! The locals are so friendly…They all know me! Everywhere I turn I hear BON jour, BON Appetite, BON Nuit!! Such a welcoming city.

Beau: What’s fashion week? Are you telling me Bon can go there for a WHOLE WEEK? I’ll sign her up.

Bogie: New England or Manhattan clam chowder?

Bon: New England.

Beau: Yup, the chunkier the better.

Bogie: Adventure holidays off the beaten path or relaxing vacays under the sun?

Bonnie: I chase the sun, Boges.  Plus, I need a place to wear all my bikini’s, don’t I?!

Beau: Give me a one-man tent, a fishing pole, and some heavy duty headphones and I can stand wherever Bon drags me.

Bogie: SPF 25 or SPF 50?

Bonnie: SPF 200 of course! I don’t like being pink.

Beau: I use whatever Bon packs in my beach bag, which explains my lack of a summer glow.

Bogie: BarkBox or PawPack?

Beau & Bonnie: BARKBOX all the way!

Bogie: Brut Champagne or Prosecco?

Bonnie: Can I say Rose? I might not like to be pink.. but I sure like to drink pink!

Beau: A root beer makes me a happy man.

Bogie: Spinach or arugula?

Beau: Arugula? Spinach? YUCK? I’ll pass.

Bonnie: Why spinach of course! It strengthens my sassy leg!

Bogie: Single or Taken?

Bonnie: I am head over heels for Macky. He is such a sweet romantic. And he always cooks me the best snacks! He knows that pizza and mozzarella are the surest ways to my heart.  

Bogie: Lunch or nap?  You must choose one!

Beau: Snackies!!! Lunch! Dinner! Snackies!!

Bon: Naps.  A lady must make sure she gets enough beauty sleep.

Bogie: Yoga leggings or denim?

Beau: Umm…I prefer my birthday suit.

Bon: I LIVE in my leggings.  Stretchhhh all the way, Bogie. Plus a lycra blend is the perfect way to showcase a sassy leg!

Bogie: Bonnie and Clyde or Life is Beautiful?

Bonnie: You know Boges, I think I am gonna go with Life if BEAUtiful.  Cause life wouldn’t be half as much fun without my amazing, smart, talented, lovable big bro by my side.  

Beau: Aww shucks, Bon.  You know just what to say to butter me up.  (Or you’re just angling for some new Jimmy Chews…) But yes, Boges, Life is Beautiful.  When you get to have a real life squeaky toy by your side, how could it not be?