Dear Bogie,

Screen Shot 2015-05-21 at 5.13.00 AMI need some advice like yesterday. My concern is an issue I’ve been experiencing at home lately…in relation to housekeeping. I don’t know if you’ve seen any of my recent posts (I’ve documented this injustice 5 times and counting) that show the disheveled look and state of my bed? It’s out of control! I mean, considering I pay the woman in pure love you’d think my bed would be kept up to a certain standard, right? This is not the case. (At this time, I don’t feel comfortable talking about how my bed gets this way. Like, is that even important? But should a video surface that implies I have anything to do with it, I encourage your newspaper to question its authenticity.) What the woof?!




Dear Jethrow-stuff-around,

It’s hard for me to see you go through this. And it’s clearly an issue that’s been plaguing you for quite some time. From the photographic evidence, it appears your Screen Shot 2015-05-21 at 5.14.53 AMperson has no time for housekeeping. Zero. That said, she does have an eye for style. What I’m about to suggest may be bold, may be a little avant garde and, yes, it may even upset your mom ever so slightly. But a bully’s gotta do what a bully’s gotta do. Right?

First, take that sheet off the sofa.

Before your jowls drop in shock, hear me out. The fact of the matter is your mumzie placed a sheet over her stylish sofa to keep your luscious locks off her prized furniture. I submit that she wouldn’t do that unless it was a really comfortable place to be. Furthermore, just because she’s having trouble performing the most important of household chores (making your bed) in a timely fashion, I see no reason why you should have to delay your nap as a result. Never mind that there’s something very lux about a sofa you’re not really allowed to be on—quote me on it—this is about you getting proper rest.

May I suggest going outside and running through some bushes, rolling around in the dirt…really wear yourself out. Then when you’re feeling snoozy, jump up on your new cushy sofa bed. Presto! It’s an upgrade you richly deserve. But remember to get rid of that sheet so you can enjoy the pure simplicity of a naked sofa.

Your teacher,